Lose Friends Now- Ask Me How!

LOSE-FRIENDS-NOW

Hi. I got your friend request on Wednesday, and even though I barely remembered you from high school, I accepted. Approximately 19 seconds later, I got the notification that I had been added to your “Super Special Essentially Sensual Scented Thirty-One Thrive Jamberry Jamboree!” Facebook group. OH JOY. Yeah, me, along with 400 of your […]

Extreme Blog Makeover

extreme blog makeover

Remember that awful show, Extreme Makeover where they found unfortunate looking, desperate people and convinced them their lives would be completely transformed if they just changed every single aspect of their face, hair, teeth, body and style? Yeah. I loved that show. Why would they take such a recklessly irresponsible masterpiece of entertainment off the […]

I Am Judging Your Sleep Sound Settings

Sleep sound settings

I wrote this one originally for the fabulous website, The Mid. Enjoy!    While visiting my parents recently, I noticed my father had moved into my sister’s old bedroom. Because we are such a private family with healthy relational boundaries, I immediately blurted, “OH MY GAWD, MAMMA– DADDY IS FINALLY LEAVING YOU.. IT’S BEEN 51 […]

No Justice

justice

Like any mother of a burgeoning “tween” girl, I want to give my daughter all the love, support and positive role modeling I can. She’s growing up so fast. I want to teach her to be fearless, to go boldly after her dreams and goals and have confidence in her choices… Unless her dreams are […]

The Perfect Christmas Letter

Christmas Humblebrag

If you weren’t one of the precious few to receive our annual Christmas letter, I’m generously sharing it here. You’re welcome.   My Dearest Family & Friends,This year has been such a busy, blessed and wonderful year for our family– where to begin?!!  As I’m sure you all saw on TV, with my beloved spouse’s company going […]

Halloween Whorror Show

sexy-olaf

It’s that time of year again! When Halloween stores everywhere try to get us all to dress like hobags. Deva, my blogging buddy from MyLifeSuckers and I started looking at some of the costumes out there this year and HOLY HELL! We came across a whole category of sexy children’s character costumes. You know, costumes […]

Shit My Dog Says

My dog is thinking

Today I cleaned out the refrigerator as our dog, Mudge, watched with rapt interest. He came running as I dragged the big trash can over to the open fridge door, combining two of his top-three favorite “Receptacles For All Things Wonderful.” The third being the toilet, natch. His eyes never left my hands as I […]

White Trash Wednesday

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Isn’t it wonderful to see your children sitting at the dinner table, enjoying a healthy meal that you’ve prepared? No, seriously, I’m asking– because that shit never happens at my house. It seems the more time I spend in the kitchen, slaving over something I foolishly think they’re going to eat, the more they turn […]