Can you feel it? That crisp snap in the air? No? Me neither… because we live in Houston. We don’t experience actual “seasons,” but technically, it’s fall, y’all. That means Halloween! Hooray! That magical time of year for kids and drunken adults of all ages. Halloween is now the second most popular holiday in the U.S. with annual costume sales topping one billion dollars. Billion! And let me tell you, I believe it, because people take their costumes and decor very seriously around here. The horror starts early and hits hard. In August, you’ll begin to see the pumpkins. You ignore that because you’re still wearing your star spangled tube top (please don’t try wearing a tube top without a strapless bra ladies) The very next week some overachieving neighbor is putting out their yard cemetery complete with fog machine. Suddenly it’s everywhere. By late September you can’t even browse Walgreens without an animatronic witch reaching out to touch you in aisle 3. You just wanted some tampons and now you have to pry your screaming child off of your leg because she’s terrified. Good times.
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| Don’t forget your Xanax from the pharmacy, my pretty! |
The search for the perfect costume is always a challenge. With so many choices it can be overwhelming and expensive. My kids tend to change their minds quite a lot, so I don’t like to start too early. Of course then you run the risk of missing all the good stuff, and you find yourself on October 30th, poking arm holes in a black Hefty trash bag and telling your kid that he’s a California Raisin. Not cool, mom. Not. Cool.
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| “Ooh, I heard it thru the grapevine… this was all yo mama could find…” |
I’m not what you would call “crafty” (not in the Hobby Lobby sense of the word) so I won’t be crafting any homemade costumes. Nobody wants to see me with a glue gun. No, I will be purchasing something made by a faraway sweatshop. It’s the American way.
Sure, you can look online, but sometimes it’s important to actually see the costume before purchase. Especially for girls. Is it just me or are the girl’s costumes getting skimpier? They are making these sexy costumes in children’s sizes! What is up with that? My daughter is six– she doesn’t need to wear fishnets and patent leather lace-up boots. I don’t even have patent leather lace-up boots! I swear! Hey, if you are a grown woman and want to dress up like Skankenstein, knock yourself out, but they shouldn’t be marketing “sexy kitty” or sexy ANYTHING for kids. Just my opinion. Of course my daughter Camille (aka The Kraken) is inexplicably drawn to the tacky as I’ve explained in earlier posts, but I bribed gently steered her away from that and we finally agreed on “Catarina” which is some kind of weird cat/ballerina mash-up. Whatever, she doesn’t look like a total streetwalker, so I’m happy. Sold! Henry’s costume choice kind of made me sad because he used to choose cute superheroes, video game characters and cowboys. This year? Bloody Ghost Face or something like that “with actual squirting blood! Cool!” Lovely. My boy is growing up and getting gross. I better get used to it.
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| Didn’t I just change your diaper? |
So, we’re all set for the big fright night. The house is decorated and relatively spooky, (built-in cobwebs because I don’t dust. Bonus! ) the Current Legal Spouse will be on Trick-or-Treat walking duty with the little monsters and I’ll be at home eating handing out candy while drinking wine. This is my favorite job because we always have a big turnout and I love seeing the parade of costumes. And okay, eating the candy. And drinking the wine.
Which wine pairs well with Twix??
Happy Halloween!
A nice Merlot should do 🙂
Mmm yes, Merlot and chocolate… mama like! 🙂
Halloween is one of the times I'm glad I'm mom to two boys and not girls. Some of the costumes they sell for little girls do seem quite inappropriate. Although where I live, it is sometimes pretty cold on trick-or-treat night and the kids go out wearing coats over their costumes, so the costumes aren't even seen! ha! The trash bag/California raisin part made me laugh. 😀
Yep, it's pretty rare that we get a really chilly Halloween in Texas but that would probably bum me out to cover my cool costume with a coat. :/
Any wine will go great with twix! But, since it's Halloween, may I suggest Witches Brew? Warmed ever so slightly and drank from a coffee mug! 🙂
Witches Brew, eh? Sounds promising! I may have *several* drinks that night… 😉
LAst year my middle son decided he was too old to go trick or treating, so no costume would be needed (yay!) But then he got home from school at 5:00 and had changed his mind (I should have known. I sent him on his way an hour later with a cardboard box over his head (was supposed to be one of the the Minecraft guys). He even got some props for it at the homes of adults too old to be gamers. Priceless memories.
Minecraft is *huge* around here, too! I bet he was a hit! I wonder if he'll go out this year? I get lots of teenagers (not in costume!) well after 9pm. Sometimes we have to turn off all the lights to stop the bell ringing!
We started giving our kids 10 bucks not to trick or treat and took them to wal-mart the day after to getthe candy the wanted on sale. Win win if you ask me
Ignore my typos please. Posted from my phone waiting for a doctors appointment
Yes, that is genius! But is there anything good left??
We started giving our kids 10 bucks not to trick or treat and took them to wal-mart the day after to getthe candy the wanted on sale. Win win if you ask me
We started giving our kids 10 bucks not to trick or treat and took them to wal-mart the day after to getthe candy the wanted on sale. Win win if you ask me
GENius!
Mike wins! I would totally do that if I had kids!
Great post, Rachael, get a nice Shiraz!
Yes, I love Mike's idea too but it may not go over with my midgets… yet.
Good post! My kids have grown, but Mike's comment reminded me of the big question: "What do I do with all this (15 pounds) candy?!
Our solution was to allow the kids to select 50 of their favorite pieces, and the rest went to the office. They pitched a fit the first year, but eventually realized they didn't miss it after all.
Those Dum-dums and Smarties eventually get eaten — in the office.
Yep, we let our kids (and ourselves) have at it for about a week. Then I start getting rid of it. They hardly ever notice.
hilarious stuff here!
Thanks, Sybi poo! See what fun you're missing? Hurry up! Squeeze out some puppies! C'mon! I swear it's fun! Heh heh
For the record, a black trash bag is definitely considered an outfit or even a costume in my world. Great post, my friend!
Ha! Still one of *the best* stories evaarr!! I would have totally given you candy if I saw you on that NY stoop. Classic…
We've done the trash-bag raisin thing before. *shame*
Halloween was kinda fun when the kid was little but now it's just about collecting candy. Her costume idea has changed 15 times since she started talking about it in August. I let Mom do that shit.
Oh, Care Bear.. for shame! Although I'm assuming this was SEVERAL years ago you did the trash bag? When the raisins were relatively current?? Don't let K get one of those hooker costumes!! Stop the madness!
How the hell do you get your husband to do the walking? It's a wonder I can get mine to go to the potty by himself. Even getting gas is a family affair. I told him the reason we had kids was so he could take one with him. Darn him!
Oh yeah, I will *always* have home handout duty– that's hows I likes it. Of course you can always take your wine in a to-go cup…
I remember painting my kid and 3 of his friend to look like KISS. They were the talk of the town!
Omg– I bet that was a hit! You are a cool mama, G!
I had a stroke of genius last year (and the kid actually went along with it) – Mary Poppins! Parrot head umbrella and mini carpetbag from Disney Store, cloche hat from Tar-jay, long blue skirt and white button down shirt – voila! The anti-skank! She's recycling it for this year too 🙂
But I'll admit that my creativity is usually for shit, and I'm surprised the black trash bag wasn't in my repetoire. *files idea away for future reference*
That sounds cute! And anti-skank– love it. Please don't do the Hefty bag. i beg of you… 🙂
You could use a white trash bag and be a tea bag. I saw this on Pinterest. I envy Henry's bleeding mask, that is so cool.
Thanks, Gail. Yeah, he's pretty excited about his mask. My baby. *sniff* Whaddya gonna do… *sigh*
Anything fortified should do the trick.
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Walking in the precsnee of giants here. Cool thinking all around!
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Hey, that’s a clever way of thinking about it.
That’s really thninkig out of the box. Thanks!
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