Are you a mother? Or a father?
Do you now, or did you once have a mother or father?
Are you now, or were you ever an annoying child?
Do you enjoy solitary evacuation of your bowels?
Do you enjoy the angelic sound of your own laughter??
If you answered YES to any of these questions, please continue reading.
I may have mentioned this once or twice or eleventy times, but …I’M IN A BOOK! A real book! This book! Available now!
|No biggie. Just a best-selling book THAT I AM IN.|
The book is called I Just Want To Pee Alone.
When I was first asked to be part of this anthology on motherhood I thought… really? They want me to write about motherhood? Me? Have they read this blog? I mean, I am a mother alright (I didn’t preface that with good) but I’m not a “mommy blogger.” I talk about my kids, but it seems I spend more time talking about falcons and dildos and whatnot, so I was thinking this may not be the project for me. How wrong I was. This is the REAL book on motherhood. For realzies. The funny one that tells it like it is. Written BY MOMS, FOR MOMS, TO MOMS. Not laughing AT MOMS but WITH MOMS, AROUND MOMS. And all other appropriate prepositions, etc. etc. Not some June Cleaver bullshit. Consider yourself warned. Don’t give this book to any fertile newlyweds because these stories are like visual birth control. In fact, you should probably let your teenage daughters read this. They will be scared into abstinence. You’re welcome! Also, there is a whole lot of vagina talk in this book, and not in a sexy way. Sorry, guys. I didn’t do an official “vagina” count, but somebody’s ham-wallet might be mentioned on every page, from how to tighten your vagina after birth using different products (click here) to various vagina health tips. Also, are you a fan of foul language? You are? Awesome. Me too. Mothers sometimes curse, y’all. There are F-bombs dropping left and right up in these pages. Motherhood is frustrating and F-bomb inducing, but there is a lot of love and heart in the book, too. Which is how I do it. I’ve found my tribe and I’m very proud of this book.
Please buy it and enjoy it. I beg of you. If you do enjoy it, please write a favorable review for us on Amazon or wherever you purchased? It really helps and we won’t let it go to our heads. Much. If you don’t enjoy it, you might wanna get that stick up your ass removed. Just kidding– that was rude. Kindly please keep your non-humor-loving, mother-hating, puppy-kicking opinions to yourself. M’kay? But seriously, I’m worried about your funny bone. This shit is hilarious, I don’t care who you are.
|Oh, Ry Ry.. let me rub your temples…|
You can buy the book by clicking the BUY MY BOOK! up there on the sidebar or from the following links:
Amazon Books, Kindle, iTunes, Wordsmash, Kobo, Sony Reader. Nook/Barnes & Noble is bringing up the rear. I don’t know yet about availability there. We will even be in a few bookstores soon and I’ll let you know which ones. Hell, I’ll probably be hiding behind the stacks to run over and hug whomever I see buying it!
This has all been like a dream. A very good dream. I’m so honored to even be mentioned in the same sentence with some of the heavy-hitters listed below. Wait– does any woman really want to be known as a “Heavy Hitter”? Scratch that– we’ll call them “Milfalicious Kick-Ass Bloggers”. Yeah.
I hope you enjoy the book as much as we enjoyed putting it together. If you’ve read it, let me know what you think! Thank you!