Friends, I’d like to talk to you about a serious affliction I’ve been saddled with for most of my life. It affects me and probably millions of you out there. Let’s lift the veil of shame and talk about it: It’s called Musical Tourettes.
Musical Tourettes is a disorder often onset in late adolescence, characterized by the recurrent involuntary exclamation of certain verses of song. It is a state of being unable to control the urge to burst into song, especially in quiet/highly inappropriate situations. Essentially, it’s subjecting others to your awful singing, especially while wearing headphones or earbuds. The exact causes are unknown but it’s believed to be associated with joy, exuberance and general fucking awesomeness and yes, I just made that definition up, just go with it. There is no known cure, and anyway, ..if there’s a cure for this, I DON’T WANT IT- I DON’T WANT IT!
See? I can’t help it! I guess it wasn’t really a problem in the 80’s because we all carried around those Lloyd Dobler-esque giant jam-boxes which announced our intentions and drowned out our own singing.
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| “IN YOUR EYES- THE LIGHT, THE HEAT..” |
With the advent of super small earbuds and Bluetooth, sometimes people don’t even realize you’re listening to music so when you walk by and shout, I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES! WHERE YA FROM? YOU SEXY THANG, YOU! They might actually tell you where they’re from and that is just awkward.
My worst episodes occur in the morning while walking with the dog (who, by the way, loves my voice– just ask him). You know how much I hate to exercise, right? So I need my jams to get me through my work out. I have wildly varied musical tastes so my song catalogue is that of a schizophrenic– I’ve got some Beastie Boys and some BeeGees. I’ve got Die Antwoord and Dixie Chicks. I’m all over the place but while exercising my preferences tend to lean towards ’80’s funk and the misogynistic gangsta rap genre. I can’t explain it– I think I have latent fantasies about being a video ho or something. Who doesn’t, really? These songs have some of the worst lyrics to blurt out on a quiet morning walk. I’ll be bopping along with my earbuds in, listening to Mystikal and pass a young mother with her stroller and my About A Boy moment happens:
“Shake ya ass! Watch yourself! Shake ya ass! Show me what you’re workin’ wit!”
Oh, gawd.
I give her a weak smile and point to my ears and mouth a “sorry” as she strolls her toddler quickly away to safety. And probably calls the police.
All of the yard guys in my neighborhood have been privy to my outbursts and I’ve already told you all about maintenance dude at the dog park. He loves my Musical Tourrette’s and always stops fixing the sprinkler to stare at me and laugh. It’s mortifying. Here’s just a small sample of my recent exclamational train wrecks:
“Give it to me– gimme that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff/SAY WHAT?!”
“Do ya thing like they ain’t nuttin to it. Shake, sh-sh-shake that ass, girl!”
“Get naked! Get naked! Get naked! Get naked! Take it off!”
“Here I go, here I go, here I go again- girls, what’s my weakness? Men!”
“No diggity! …I got ta bag it up.”
“Is it worth it? Let me work it! I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it..”
I wish I was joking.
I mean, how can you not belt these songs out? They just make me feel good and anyway I sound awesome, right? RIGHT?
The Oatmeal knows what’s up.
We won’t even get into my interpretive dancing and hand gestures. I could write a whole blog on that problem, too. It’s worth noting that I’m completely sober when this happens. Usually.
Please tell me I’m not alone with my affliction. What songs can you not help but belt out whenever you hear them?
Not only do I share this affliction, I make the Dancercizer lady look subtle. So, to let you know you're not alone, I say: Hi, my name is Jen, and I have Musical Tourettes.
Oh Em Gee, Rach….I totally can relate. Love Shack by the B-52s gets me every time….TIN ROOF…..RUSTED!!! Then again, I often go around singing "Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so!" And now Hootie's (yeah, I know it's Darius Rucker, calm yourself) version of Wagon Wheel morphs into Icona Pop's I Love It. And yes, the Beastie Boys singing Girls or (of course) Fight For Your Right. RIP Adam Yauch. Love your blog, girlie…it keeps me smiling!!
I love my musical tourettes! It is always accompanied by swah-vay dance moves and dramatic facial expressions. (My dogs don't think I sound great, though, and often hide under the bed when I'm busting out a Pitbull number.) My kids just walk away, like they would if I had announced how they breastfed or used to take off their diapers and run naked at Kroger.
My husband definitely has musical tourettes! Is it musical tourettes if you respond to any part of a conversation with song lyrics – that you are singing of course, not simply spoken song lyrics? It doesn't need to be a question, or even anything requiring a comment. A simple word that riggers whatever song is floating around will do. My sister and I do that. Mention of someone being crazy, especially in "romantic" relationship kind of way, will earn you a chorus of Pasty Cline's "Crazy." So is that muscial tourettes or just obnoxious? LOL
My dear, i do believe we are kindred spirits. My stuff runs from Johnny Cash, to the Beatles, to 70's soft rock to the Ramones (among other punk), and then back to Disney music and ultra vocal heavy range songs. Some of which I can hit, most of which I can not. I believe, to the untrained ear, I probably sound like a dying cat. But in my head, I sound amazing and I think everyone should hear me and a producer should "discover" me. I also dance while singing – especially while cooking and cleaning, so at least I'm home!
Now let me ask you this – do you also have word association lyrics? You hear a word or a phrase and then a song is ultimately stuck in your head for the rest of the day. That's my biggest issue, I think.
I'm glad you actually wrote this… I am severely afflicted with this condition, AND my ipod has all of those songs on it as well. I suspect those people that stare (and possibly call law enforcement) are really just jealous! Sing it, girl… and of course, don't forget the dance moves!
Oh yeah, similar to your gangsta rap when I go out jogging the neighbors know they'll soon be hearing me singing lyrics such as "A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown…" or "Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Our fine four fendered friend…"
Yes ma'am, me too! I don't care where I am I can not resist belting out "Smack my bitch up" and all of the above. 🙂 Love my music!
Devan
I'm pretty much in love with you. I hope that's not weird for you.
Yes! I, too, have an… interesting… array of musical tastes. Though mine leans less towards gangta and more towards grunge. Chanting 'Let the bodies hit the floor' while pushing the boys around in the jogger has put me on the receiving end of some pretty fun-tastic looks.
Thanks for linking up to the Glitter Fart hop!
First of all … I can not ever read something you post and not think "man do I love this girl". Second and most importantly CURSE YOU!!! I am now singing all of these songs .. and maybe a White Snake song where I am in fact, Tawny Kitaen.
I do this ALL THE TIME! I always have. I remember my older sister's boyfriend at the time walking into our house just as I was singing/shouting some goofy song, but mine always come with some kind of awesome dance move, too–the running man is my fave. Anyway, I didn't realize the boyfriend had come into the kitchen, where the scene was taking place. When I turned around, I saw him looking at my sister and going, "What the hell? Does she do this a lot?" and my sister goes, "All the time." I think my sister had to swallow a little humble pie after that because he obviously wanted me from that moment on. (Not really, but I always told them that…haha)
Yep, same here. I like busting out "Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk" when I see something female and pleasing to the eye. Another time at a party I met a pretty green-eyed girl in her early 20s and sang to her, "Green-eyed lady, ocean lady," weird singer's voice and all. *crickets* Good one, Dad.