Remember that awful show, Extreme Makeover where they found unfortunate looking, desperate people and convinced them their lives would be completely transformed if they just changed every single aspect of their face, hair, teeth, body and style? Yeah. I loved that show. Why would they take such a recklessly irresponsible masterpiece of entertainment off the air? It’s a mystery, y’all. Since I’ll never get the chance to be on that show, (damn you, ABC!) I did the next best thing: I gave my blog an extreme makeover. Well, not me- let’s face it, I can barely work Facebook. Real talk. No, I consulted the WordPress wizard, Jen Kehl of Beyond Blog Design to do it for me.
Apparently, a train wreck like my sad blog gives Jen some kind of a lady boner, and she lives for fixing that shit. She likes fixing problems. I like running far, far away from problems, so that’s where we differ. I don’t get it but I’m sure glad she does. She listened to my needs, held my hand and made the process so easy and took care of every aspect of migration for me. LOOK AT IT! JUST LOOK AT IT! We finally have my new blog baby up and running and I love, love, love it except it’s so damn fancy um.. I don’t know how to work it yet. It’s like I’ve been driving a Pinto all these years and then someone plops you in a Ferrari and says “here ya go- this is what you asked for!” And I’m like, WAIT WHAT HOW DO I EVEN UNLOCK THE DOORS WHERE DOES THE KEY GO WHADDAYA MEAN THERE’S NO KEY WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS I DON’T EVEN. So, basically I stare at my beautiful baby and look around and wait for someone to tell me what to do. I talk to poor Jen every hour now, and she uses words I don’t know, and then she explains it like I’m 6 and everything is fine for about 30 minutes and then the process starts all over. It’s fun for her, I bet. This is what every day of Jen’s life with me in it has been like:
JEN: “Go to your Dashboard. Log in… No, on the backend. See that little thing that looks like a devil? No, the one above that. Click that.. NO. Not that. Take a screen shot of what you are doing right now. Send it to me. No. Command Shift Three. Sigh.. Can I just call you? Wait, let me just log back into your account as you… What’s the password? You don’t know your own password? “ <– actual conversation. Bless her.
Anyway, I’m really loving it but I guess now I actually need to learn how to work it, not to mention WRITE and POST SOMETHING, because apparently, Jen won’t write my blogs for me.
Sheesh. Selfish much, Jen?
Check out the Beyond Blog Design website to see her services and tutorials. Bloggers: Look for her at BlogHer 2015 in NYC! She doesn’t just fix bad blogs, either– she does it all. And tell her Rach sent you!
Better yet, don’t mention my name. Yeah. That might be best.
Anyway, now that everything is pretty and up and running, don’t forget to subscribe! Sometimes Fuckerberg is limiting our posts and what you see on my Facebook fan page. Subscribe here for the really important stuff so you don’t miss a minute of fuckery!
Thank you and welcome!