Hi. I got your friend request on Wednesday, and even though I barely remembered you from high school, I accepted. Approximately 19 seconds later, I got the notification that I had been added to your “Super Special Essentially Sensual Scented Thirty-One Thrive Jamberry Jamboree!” Facebook group. OH JOY. Yeah, me, along with 400 of your […]
Thank You For No Longer Being Thankful
It’s over?? OH, GOOD.
The Blogger Mantra
Most Likely To Smack Somebody
Yesterday was my two spawn’s last day of school (and my last day of freedom.. sob) but leading up to that was a gauntlet of activities and pictures and teacher gifts and parties and year-end fun!! (kill me) Included in the fun was the very important “awards ceremony.” This is where you sit in a […]
B.I.T.C.H. It’s Real.
Newsflash: It’s still cold. I hate being cold. Hate. It. In fact, I’m typing this under a fur-lined hooded onesie while wearing mittens. It’s hard to type with mittens so forgive the tuypoosd typos. What the shit, Mother Nature?! Seriously? This weather is affecting me and not in a good way. I’m fat, I’m pasty […]
Sochi What-chi?
The Winter Olympics are almost over. I gotta say, I was a tad bored. We prefer the summer games, don’t we all? I don’t mean to sound unpatriotic– I love ‘MERICA but I mean, after the ugly sweater debacle, the opening ceremony fuck ups, Sochi failed to hold my attention. Thank goodness for Johnny Weir, […]
Wow, Walmart. Wow.
A few months ago, I was invited to a casting call for a television commercial. The details were vague but I’m an attention whore so I said what the hell. I was given an address which was some random warehouse in the middle of town. I told a few people what I was doing, mainly […]
If You Give A Kraken A Hamster
The Kraken just announced she wants a hamster. I’m not sure where this notion came from; I can only assume some little braggart in her class got one and won’t stop talking about it. They probably even brought it in for Show-and-Tell. Thanks, ya little a-hole! There are so many reasons I think this is […]
Terror On The High Shelf
I just received the first Christmas card of the year in the mail. I’m gonna need a minute. I know, I know– some people are on the ball. Some people run right out Thanksgiving night to shop the sales, mail the cards, and get the tree. They crank up the Mannheim Steamroller and wrap the […]
30 Days Of Attitude… I mean, Gratitude
So, here it is already November. I know, right? When in hell did that happen? But yes, it’s here. So you know what that means. Turkey coma and carbo-loading? Yes. Poorly grown-in facial hair for “Movember”? (Google it, I can’t do everything) That, too– but I’m talking about gratitude. Yes, gratitude. There is a thing […]
