Can you feel it? That crisp snap in the air? No? Me neither… because we live in Houston. We don’t experience actual “seasons,” but technically, it’s fall, y’all. That means Halloween! Hooray! That magical time of year for kids and drunken adults of all ages. Halloween is now the second most popular holiday in the […]
Tickle me, Manganiello
I just had the best dream so naturally I woke up and did what I always do– punched my husband. I dreamt Joe Manganiello and I were in a tickle fight and he was winning. He held me down with my hands over my head with one of his powerful paws. Then with the other […]
You Just Got Schooled, Mama!
So, this week the kids went back to school and thank the sweet baby Jesus they did I sure will miss them. It was a long, hot, action-packed summer of beach-going, goggle-snapping, flip-flopping, sticky-grape-popsicle-eating, SPF 50 fun. And that was just the first two weeks. The rest of the summer was spent hanging upside down off […]
Housewife Hoedown!
I realize my last blog post was very personal, heartfelt and touching and that probably confused the hell out of you, so how’s about I regale you with the time I bought a dildo from my neighbor? Alrighty then! There is a little known secret of the suburbs you city-dwellers may not be aware of. […]
Girl Crazy
I just got back from my high school reunion so I’m feeling rather reflective and introspective and a lot of other big words that end in “ive”. Indulge-ive me, won’t you? Thanks. My high school was a private college preparatory for girls. That’s right– girls only. I remember entering as a freshman, thinking it was […]
Doggie Style
We have a dog. For years I was just fine without a pet in the house, especially when my kids were little. I was focused on baby-making and nothing else. But now I’m done with birthing babies. No more. I have two kids, a boy and a girl and that is plenty. My baby factory […]
¡Eye Caramba!
If you know anything about me, you know that diet and exercise are paramount in my life. I treat my body like a temple. A temple that hosts a donut and vodka festival every weekend. But every once in a while even I reach a saturation point. I look at my ass (or worse- a […]
Cluster Chuck
About a month before Camille’s (aka: THE KRAKEN) birthday, we had this exchange: Me: “Hey, what should we do for your birthday? We’ll do anything you want!” Camille: “I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese.” Me: “We could have a little party here …maybe a bouncy castle?” Camille: “I want to go to Chuck […]
Brallelujah!
Sorry I’ve been away so long. Recently I experienced the sudden loss of a friend that I’m just now able to speak about. My breast friend. That’s right- I’m talking about my favorite bra. The underwire broke and “Old Beige” had to be put down… *quiet sob.* To you, this may seem like no biggie. […]
Double Tea Cups
Relationships between a mother and daughter are complicated. My daughter Camille, aka “The Kraken” and I have been on the outs lately. Actually we’ve been on the outs since her birth. As a newborn she was colicky and clingy. She’s what the discipline books would call a “high-need” child. She’s what I would call “bat-shit crazy.” […]
