Sorry I’ve been away so long. Recently I experienced the sudden loss of a friend that I’m just now able to speak about. My breast friend. That’s right- I’m talking about my favorite bra. The underwire broke and “Old Beige” had to be put down… *quiet sob.* To you, this may seem like no biggie. […]
Double Tea Cups
Relationships between a mother and daughter are complicated. My daughter Camille, aka “The Kraken” and I have been on the outs lately. Actually we’ve been on the outs since her birth. As a newborn she was colicky and clingy. She’s what the discipline books would call a “high-need” child. She’s what I would call “bat-shit crazy.” […]
How to get V.D. I’m here to help.
Let’s talk about V.D. No, not that kind. I can’t help you there. Valentine’s Day is here, guys. If you haven’t done anything yet you are pretty much screwed. Which means you won’t be getting screwed. We can’t have that can we? Nobody likes blue balls (except maybe Papa Smurf.) I’m here to help. Here […]
Pervert Magnet
Oh- hello there, perverts! I bet you were expecting some really juicy stuff to pop up on this page because you were trolling the interwebs for something dirty. Sorry suckas! It’s just my blog. But now that you’re here let’s talk about you and your problem. Why you do that “eeww” do that you do […]
Vermont is for Lesbians
So, I went to Vermont recently. I went with a friend. I’ll call her Sherry. Sherry just loves Vermont because she is rich. Rich people just love Vermont. I guess it’s because the whole state is like a little postcard of white bread patrician wholesomeness. It’s so clean and everyone there looks outdoorsy and freshly […]
The Girl With The Press-On Tattoo
I saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo a few weeks ago and can’t stop thinking about it. Of course I’ve never seen a movie that was better than the book but I think they did an excellent job considering Mr. Larsson was not able to provide his two cents. The opening credits feature a […]
THREE. (It’s a magic number)
So apparently I’m supposed to write something here every week? Sometimes more? Is there someone I should speak to? This is getting serious. I mean I like you and all, I just think we should go slow, get to know each other first before we rush into the third post. It’s like 3rd base. It’s […]
Blog Ambition
When starting a blog there are so many things to think about: What will I call this masterpiece? Who will be my audience? Who will play me in the rom-com when Hollywood inevitably comes a-knockin’?? Stuff like that. If you’re starting out late like me, it can be difficult to even find a name for […]
Hey! I’m Bloggin’ Here!
Oh, hello there and welcome! Can you believe it? I started this blog because I made a promise to myself on New Year’s eve that I would finally pursue my dream of writing. So here it is, January 1st, 2012. I gotta tell ya, it feels pretty good! I mean yes, I made that promise […]
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